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This is an example of a good introduction. It is short, simple and conveys
all the necessary information to the person reading it. The introduction tells
you who is writing “a year eleven pupil”, what they are writing about
“variety of AP subjects” and why “concerned the school is
not doing all it can to produce individual and rounded students”.
Do not try and include your points in the introduction. You can make a brief
general one “college applications would stand out more” but leave
your main points for the central text where you can elaborate on them better.
Below is point one from the Caterpillar plan expanded.
Read it carefully, then read it with the comments to see what
can constitute a good point in a Writing to Argue text.
|COMMENTS||EXAMPLE TEXT: POINT 1: Catering for individual pupils needs.|
| Using the motto|
for the basis of the
| By offering more AP subjects you would be catering for|
individual pupils needs. The school’s motto is “Equal but
Individual”, I believe that you perform extremely well on the equality
front but are sadly lacking on individuality.
| Compliments as|
well as faults.
Examples are great
for arguing points as
they provide facts.
Always back up
arguments with facts
By appearing to
state the obvious
you imply that it is
obvious and almost
force people to
agree with you.
By giving “real”
to the argument.
Always make sure your argument is
balance, make sure
you consider the
other side to it. This
shows fairness and
question is a very
List of three is
technique, good for
|Surely if we all are, as you say, “individuals” then the AP|
subjects offered should reflect that. It is of course completely
understandable that you offer the basics; English, Maths and
Science but I do feel you could be more flexible with regards to
For example although you offer “History” and it was chosen by
75% of the students in my year for AP, after a survey it was
found that a further 10% would have chosen it if there were
specializations such as Ancient History, American History or
History of the Middle East. Similarly with regards to languages,
which I know you feel to be a very important subject so much so it
is compulsory, many students would voluntarily chose it and
perform better if varieties were offered besides the stock French
and Spanish. 4 out of 5 students said they would study Mandarin if
it was offered and 7 out of 10 voted that they would have applied
for Latin and Greek if they were available.It is clear that students are craving for more individual subjects
to study, ones that are specialised and where they can really
pursue something of interest. I know of one girl who particularly
wants to go into fashion but was rejected by Mayberry’s Fashion
College because her textiles course didn’t give her the relevant
experience needed.I am aware that increased subjects would require more
resources, staff, and rooms however don’t you think it would
be worth it? The whole world is about being individual and
standing out and colleges are catching onto it. As a result our
applications seem dreary and dull in comparison to other
competing schools such as Mount Helen’s Comprehensive,
Mayberry Academy and Huttlsecroft High which offer courses
such as Medical Science, Law and Architecture. They are one
step ahead and we one step behind.